Episode 52 – Soren Cate

This was one of the more refreshing conversations I’ve listened to in quite some time. The discussion of affirmative consent really cut through a lot of moralistic bullshit and went right to the heart of sexual power dynamics. The perspective that Soren presents here is one that I sort of wish I’d heard ten or fifteen years ago. As a more-or-less “heteronormative” male in his thirties who spent much of his twenties immersed in the “call-out” culture of his local anarchist scene, it would have saved me a lot of bumbling, frustration, and feeling like I was walking on eggshells around people.

I also really liked Aragorn!’s point about people who uncritically jump on the Max Stirner bandwagon and go around calling everything a “spook” without bothering to consider the broader implications for how they conduct themselves in their interpersonal relationships. As unapologetic as I am in my rejection of sanctimonious PC guilt trips about “unpacking your male privilege,” I also don’t want to just blithely dismiss the inner emotional experience that might lead someone to this viewpoint. Clearly, “self-enjoyment” is a two-way street. My ability to enjoy my interactions with another person is dependent on them enjoying *them*selves; and, if a particular interaction isn’t pleasurable for anyone involved, then it’s worth stopping to consider why that might be. Maybe this means talking it out so that changes can be made to the prevailing dynamic or maybe it just means discontinuing the interaction completely and going our separate ways.

In either case, the level of raw intensity around confronting “rape culture” in radical milieus often seems a little overboard to me. A major part of the problem that goes largely unacknowledged is simply that holing up in self-contained little enclaves like a bunch of rabbits in a rabbit warren is a breeding ground for potential abuse on the one hand and anti-rapist witch hunts on the other. Comments like this shouldn’t be seen as trivializing negative behaviour but, inevitably, they will be – at least by individuals ideologically predisposed to view them in that light. Anyway, the frank and open candor in this episode was truly a breath of fresh air. Props to Soren for reclaiming her power and refusing to remain a victim in the wake of sexual assault. Also, cheers to Aragorn! for sharing his story about how he dealt with accusations that have been lodged against him in the past. Thankfully, I’ve never had any such accusations made against me personally but I *have* had front row seats to watch what happens when they’re made against other people, and it really isn’t pretty.